How to Not Romance
by OneBizarreKai
Summary: Soul likes Maka, but life is weird and so is romance. Basically a crackfic.


**Because boredom. I thought I would take on the challenge of writing random short stories about my ships, and, well, this was the result of me writing for one of my top OTPs.**

 **This is not meant to be taken seriously, so please don't take it seriously. I make fun of because I love.  
**

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"Auuuughsdajhsdkhasdghjjkhsajsdgh!" Soul exclaimed as he threw his cards everywhere. For the fourteenth time in a row, Maka had beaten him. It was getting quite frustrating.

"What the frick was that sound supposed to be?" Maka asked him.

"I'm sick of this! How come you win so much?!" Soul demanded. "Stupid card games! They're just luck based! We need to waste our time doing something that requires skill, or at least some amount of it!" He picked up all his cards that he had thrown on the floor and placed them back on the table. Maka was about to take them and shuffle them again, when suddenly the door of their apartment flew open.

Maka blinked. "What in the world?" She went to go see what it was, to see Death the Kid flopped on the ground in front of the open door. "Oh boy…"

"Kid, what are you doing here?" Soul asked, walking into the scene.

Kid lifted himself off the ground dramatically. "I had… this sudden urge to clean your apartment," he said, getting to his feet and brushing himself off. A lot. "I cannot ignore an urge to clean!"

"Sweet. One less thing to worry about." Soul put his hands behind his head and walked into the kitchen to find junk food, which he had already been eating all afternoon.

"Kid, you shouldn't have to do that by yourself," Maka said. "It's our place, and I was already going to clean later, so I'll help you."

Kid's eyes lit up. "Really? You would do that for me?" he asked. Maka nodded, smiling. "Thank you so much!"

" _Ugh, that guy makes no sense at all_ ," Soul thought, going through all the cupboards, even the ones that didn't have actual food in them.

Suddenly, when he opened the food closet, somebody jumped out in front of him. "I AM THE GREAT BLACK STAR!" the person exclaimed. "HUAHUAHUAHUAHUA!"

"When did you- What the frick were you doing in there?!" Soul yelled.

"EATING YOUR GOLDFISH! HUAHUAHUA!" Black Star ran out the open front door with Soul's goldfish crackers. "YOU'LL NEVER GET THEM BACK!"

"YOU BASTARD! RETURN THOSE!" Soul ran out the door after him.

One epic chase scene later…

Soul returned to the house, having saved his Goldfish. Black Star was nowhere to be seen, for he had escaped, but the Goldfish were saved.

"Maka, I am wounded from battle," Soul said dramatically.

But what he saw was horrifying. He started in shock.

Maka and Kid were romantically cleaning. That as in, cleaning. But any cleaning is romantic if two people that are sometimes shipped are doing the cleaning together.

"Thanks for helping me with this, Kid," Maka said, completely disregarding Soul.

"It's no problem! I said that I was going to clean it and you were kind enough to help me," Kid answered. "I do have _mild_ OCD, you know. It's quite a struggle to know that there is a place I frequently go to and it might not be clean."

"MILD MAH ASS!" Soul yelled, but was just ignored again by the romantic cleaning sparkles of drama.

"Kid… You have window cleaner on your face…" Maka said, reaching up to wipe it off.

"OKAY SERIOUSLY?! THAT'S NOT EVEN- WHAT?!"

"Oh, thank you, Maka," Kid spoke and she wiped it off. "I would have never noticed something like that."

"It's no problem, Kid," Maka told him, smiling sweetly.

They stared into each others eyes romantically for a little while.

"YEAH HOW BOUT NOPE," Soul shouted, storming in and pushing Kid into a closet. "MAKA, YOU BETTA STAHP DIS."

"Soul! That was our teleporter closet!" Maka told him. "You know, the one that takes us to right to school but only one way!"

"Good."

"He was helping me clean! You have any idea how fast we've been working? Way faster than _you and I_ have ever cleaned!"

Suddenly, the atmosphere turned very dramatic and sparkly. "Maka, it wasn't the cleaning that was bothering me," Soul said. "It was the atmosphere. You two were _romantically_ cleaning. I can't accept that."

"Soul, there is _nothing_ romantic about cleaning."

"Then what was up with the sparkles floating everywhere and you guys staring into each others eyes and all that?"

"That wasn't the cleaning. It was just us together in one room doing a thing."

"EXACTLY!"

"ERMAGURD GUYS JUST KISS ALREADY!" Black Star yelled, standing in the front doorway. "I AM THE GREAT BLACK STAR AND I SHIP EET!"

Soul walked over and slammed the door in his face.

"WHAT I MEAN TO SAY MAKA," Soul continued, turning around to face her again, "I can't just let you go ahead and be all _romantic_ like that. You know why?"

"SAY IIIIIITTT!" Black Star shouted from the other side of the front door.

"SHUT THE FRICK UP BLACK STAR!" Soul hemmed loudly. "ANYWAY, WHAT I WANT TO SAY IS THAT I HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU AND THIS WOULD HAVE TAKEN WAY TOO LONG IF I HAD JUST TRIED TO PUZZLE INTO IT."

"Oh. That's what it was," Maka said casually before she continued sweeping the floor. "Okay."

"THAT'S IT?! YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT AT THAT!"

"Soul, I don't like Kid. Just saying. He's nice, and he's attractive, but he's way too OCD."

"OKAY SURE BUT THAT DOESN'T END THIS CONVERSATION!"

"Dude. I've been assuming that you're into me for like the past month. We live together and have been for like ever and you used to be really obnoxious but then you stopped being really obnoxious so I guessed that it was just because you liked me. And I'll have you know, you're a complete idiot and you're lazy as frick but I like you too."

"Oh. Huh. Wanna get ice cream later?"

"Sure."

 **the end sort of**


End file.
